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In The Zone . .Emotional Chaos . ..Number 9. . .September 11


Emotional Chaos
Weekly Column by Brian Codagnone

October 28, 2003


People who analyze dreams (or "Dream Analysts") tell us that every aspect of our dreams is significant. This is nothing new. The ancient Anasazi believed that the dream world was just as real as the waking world, and look where they are now. Still, so many cultures have believed in the prophetic power of dreams, I decided that it was worth looking in to.

What are dreams? Are they the random firing of synapses in our brains? The manifestation of our subconscious anxieties, fears, desires? The mind organizing itself during our natural dormant cycle? Are they being beamed into our heads by super intelligent cabbages from the planet Rigel 7? Is life, as Stephen Foster speculated, "Just a dream"? How do we analyze dreams? Let's say that last night I dreamed I was in the waiting room of my dentist's office. Sandra Bullock was there, clad only in rubber gloves. I was reading a copy of Gums Illustrated, when I noticed an article on flossing, but I couldn't find page 1 to read it from the beginning. I then noticed that I had a splinter in my finger. When I pulled it out, I saw it was quite long, and I began bleeding. I went to wash it and encountered a dental hygienist, who told me that the price of soybeans had risen. What could all this mean (except the Sandra Bullock bit, which should be fairly obvious)? Could it mean that I was anxious about going to the dentist? Flossing? The cost of soybeans? What would the ancient Anasazi say? Now, if the ancient Anasazi dreamed about my dentist, THAT would be significant. Fortunately, there's no shortage of people who are equally confused and want advice on their dreams. As a public service, I thought I'd lend a hand.

Norwell J. of Grand Island, Nebraska writes: "While I'm totally secure in my sexuality, I had a very disturbing dream about Sam Waterston last night."

Well, Norwell, as you mercifully didn't go into detail, I'd say you have nothing to worry about. In many cultures dreams about Sam Waterston are a good omen. Dreams about Jerry Orbach, however, can be fraught with ominous meaning.

Gordon K. of Brighton, Massachusetts ask, "What if I dream about beagles?"
Dreams about beagles can mean many things. Freud felt that dreaming about Snoopy was a sign of Peanuts envy. Sorry, I couldn't resist that one. Were the beagles running, eating, barking? If they were sleeping, did you let them lie?

Lucretia M. of Fairfax, Vermont wonders: "Can I use dream analysis to control the future, perhaps to the point of world domination? I've always wanted to rule the world, but never knew the best way to go about it."

Yeah, sure, whatever. Knock yourself out.

Beppo G. of no fixed address inquires: I often dream that I'm a canned ham. This is especially worrisome, as I keep kosher."

Well, Beppo, clearly you feel guilty about your relationship with farm animals. Your self loathing comes through loud and clear. I suggest you seek help, or at least stay away from the petting zoo.

Maurice R. of Kamloops, British Columbia want to know: "I frequently wake up screaming in the night. I can't remember my dreams, but I'd like to stop doing it, as it really disturbs my wife."

It would help to know what you're dreaming about, or at least what your wife looks like. I would suggest separate bedrooms until this blows over. If you continue to wake up screaming in the night you might consider sleeping in the daytime.

Wanda F. of French Lick, Indiana speculates: "When I eat a large bowl of Gummy Bears and vodka before bedtime I have the most unusual dreams. I think that what we eat affects what we dream. What can I eat to dream about Brad Pitt?"

Scientists have known for years that what we eat affects how we dream. No one knows why or how to actually control the process. All I can say is that it's dangerous to mess with nature. One wrong bowl of chili, Wanda, and instead of Brad Pitt you'll spend a long, painful night in the arms of Dennis Franz.

What can we learn from this, except that there are a lot of disturbed and impressionable people out there? What can we do to help, or at least make a buck off it? One thing comes through loud and clear: dreams are as individual as the dreamer and are open to almost infinite interpretation. Can we know the future? Can we use dreams to better know ourselves? Can we avoid dreaming about Dennis Franz? No one can say for sure. As the ancient Anasazi would say, "Who the hell is Sandra Bullock?"

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Surf Our Site

Home ... Misfits . Rafferty .. . S1019 .. . Star Crossed....
. .
Ginger & Shadow. ..Writer's Block.. ..Cool Links . ..More Cool Links .
Oddities ..Link To Us... Guest Comics . Online Store..
In The Zone. ..Number 9. . .September 11